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The Clanchief's Adventures

Stone Cold Gareth

This month, we carve Gareth in stone. Like the ruins of Rome, Gareth is destined to stand the test of time. And end up just as crumbly. (Don't bother clicking on the image, just roll your mouse over it.)

Dateline Washing DC: The nation was saddened today when vandals struck the monument of one of our greatest presidents, Abraham Lincoln. The FBI has promised swift capture of the suspect, focusing on the man who's face appears to have been used as a model. Director Louis J. Freeh vows "We'll catch this animal, this degenerate, this scum and give him a fair trial followed by a good old fashioned firing squad".

 
Dateline NY/NJ (API/UPI) - Fund raising efforts fell far short of anticipated goals during the Statue of Liberty Restoration Project.

Though repeated appeals were made to the public, additional money was not forthcoming. Construction officials were apologetic about the final results, but insisted they did the best they could with $4.97 budget. The Governor's offices in both New York and New Jersey are meeting to consider assembling the local area National Guard to "Bomb the thing back to France".

 
In a startling report out of Giza, forensic archeologists rebuilt the world famous Sphinx using modern technology in order to prevent further deterioration to the statue. Lead archeologist and sculptor said today "We wanted to insure that future generations would be able to view and study the past, but we had no idea that he wore glasses". The UN reacted with shock and issued a statement of general dismay.

 
DATELINE FRANCE (UPI) - Church officials were distressed to learn of the nightmares the local children were having due to gargoyles which have decorated the facade of Notre Dame Cathedral. Local artists were contracted to give the statues a "happier, kinder" face in place of the monstrous images.

Sadly, the efforts failed miserably and all of the affected youth are undergoing intensive therapy combined with heavy doses of medication.

 
South Dakota - Weekly World News - Both houses of the state government today proclaimed that Washington's Birthday would be from now on be known as "Clanchief's Day".
In honor of the celebration, George Washington's face was removed from the Mount Rushmore National Monument and crudely adapted to resemble the Clanchief. Stating that South Dakota didn't need to honor "a guy with wooden teeth", the MacDobhran enthusiasts slipped a addendum into an otherwise unremarkable passage of the budget legislation. State Senator Dennis Daugaard promised to launch an immediate investigation.

 
Citizens Against Everything - Press Release - In order to make the world a better place, and to generally bend people to our will, the CAE proposes immediate modifications in the art world, beginning with Michaelanglo's David. "Face it, the boy is just flopping out there for the world to see" stated Beauregard "Bubba" Clampett. "Plus, he is just too durn pretty fer (sic) a boy". In Mr. Clampett's opinion, people would be better off if the statue was changed to "protect the young'uns of the world".
   

 

Copyright 2002 Adjustable Wench AKA Lisa Salim

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Steal my ideas, thoughts or images and I shall unleash a plague upon your house. I know people ya know.
Really mean people.
With guns.